Open Door Policy

Dear God
You and I chat often and I thank you for your open door policy. It is reassuring to know I can stop by for a chat whenever I feel the need. Thank you too for sending your memos over to my area. The nickname I use for your communications are 'God Winks' or 'God Nods' which is fun to acknowledge when others are around. Of course they ask, "What do you mean?"...and of course I start talking. Heck, when do I stop?

Speaking of talking, my speech is better these past few days, as is my vision and the chew/swallow muscles. Thanks so much for the science-minded people who created plasmapheresis. Its really amazing how much that makes in a difference for my body. Oh, and we finished the last of the 4 Rituxan infusions today, and honestly, I'm still holding out hope that this drug will also help us. It is amazing how it works, and awesome how it has impacted other diseases, over the years.

So, the reason I'm popping by today is that I need to vent a little more, and wanted to be more direct in my communication. Yes, I know you know my heart, and you hear me daily, but I want to be more mindful and focused. I suppose this is more for me, than you.

I can't quote verses for you today, but I don't think you mind. I won't bargain, because that's just silly. I will ask of You, because Your Word says we should.

Dear God, I'm tired and frustrated. Please make me well.

I do not question 'why' do we have multiple diseases, nor do I hate them. Each condition has afforded Lee and I opportunities we would not likely have encountered otherwise. Heck, these health issues have been the fire that refined our relationship early! We have a greater appreciation for living life as we know it, versus a life we all expect we should be living. I've learned to minimize expectations for things outside my control, and be more focused on what is real and present. If I'm being honest with myself, each condition has been a gift!

What we are dealing with is so, so, so small compared to the struggles of others immediately around us, and in our extended network. It really feels selfish to even ask, but Lord, I want to ask that the benefits of Rituxan kick in soon. I'll keep the diseases.. (whoops, bargaining....) It would be a big ole blessing if we are able to step away from weekly plasma treatments, and maybe even remove this chest catheter. Yes, we have different ideas of time, and I do trust Your timeline, so my prayer is that the benefits of Rituxan show up. period. Since this is the last medicine we can tinker with today, I pray the benefits show up. I ask that we are blessed with the benefits of this medicine, and a pheresis free life, if even for a short time.

Ok, that's all from me today. I know there are others standing online to chat too. Thanks for the time, and Merry Christmas!

Rachel
PS - I did not share this with Santa, but if you feel its appropriate, please do!