Uuuug!!

Ok, today I'm crabby..yeppers...crabby. The double vision started again last night, my speech is slowed as is my swallow. Had an 'oil change' this morning, so maybe that with some sleep tonight will help, but really??!? I'm over the MG stuff!!!

That felt good...yes, I have these feelings often, but dont really share the darker side, and yet its important to share all aspects of this disease. Heck, this is the same with any condition in life. If its health / relationship / work / kids ..whatever..there are great days and not-so-great days. Despite how much we try to put the positive foot forward and shine the smile, sometimes this is more exhausting that sharing the real stuff. Today, you're getting my real stuff.

I've used a few choice words this morning between God and I, as I was driving with tape on my glasses over my right eye, as I'm choking on water because I'm drinking it too fast or the air in my mouth wasn't balanced, as I'm craving a big pizza but can only manage soup. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! This #$% bites. I'm tired of it, I'm ready for the meds to work, I'm ready to get this dang catheter outta my chest, I'm ready to sleep on my belly, to float down the river, to swim in a pool, to sleep with my eyes closed. Over it!!

With all that venting, and you're only hearing a small bit of it, I still have that quiet voice in my heart reminding me that God is in all of this. He's with me with I have to drive, as I'm praying the cars away, he's with me when I start to choke and helps me calm my breathing so I can thinking and act as needed, he's with my silly catheter and guiding my hands as we keep the life line clean and infection free. He's with me through all of it, and He's ok that I cuss at him here and there too. He loves it when I get honest with him!

He got an ear full of honest today ;), and thanks for letting me share with you.